Diet Pepsi or Pepsi Cola?

“Diet Pepsi or Pepsi Cola”, Grandmaw Ev hollered as she saw our truck pull into her driveway.

All of us kids hollered back, “Pepsi Cola!"

Granddad Opie and Grandmaw Ev

I remember we used to go visit Grandmaw Ev quite often when I was a kid. Her real name was Eva Lena, but everyone called her “Ev”. She was really my great-grandmother, but since her daughter (my grandmaw) died when I was really little, Grandmaw Ev became my only Grandmother on that side of my family. I remember her as being really loud. Grandmaw Ev only had one volume to her voice, gentle talk or whispering were not in her repertoire. It didn’t matter if she saw you in a crowd of a hundred people, she’d holler out at you at the top of her lungs and come and discuss some recent event that she just had to tell you about. People said that’s where we Burns kids got our big mouths, that when we got to going, we were almost as loud as Grandmaw Ev! In retrospect, I don’t reckon we were any more or any less loud than any other passel of kids, unless you count the fact that most times, people heard us coming long before that saw us.

I suspect that’s how Grandmaw Ev knew we were coming, she heard us coming up the ridge long before we wound our way around the mountain road to her house. She always made sure she had pop to give us, and she was a Pepsi drinker. I remember how she used to look at the bottles of Pepsi Cola and say, “I have sugar so bad the doctor won’t let me drink real Pepsi anymore, that’s why I have diet.” Even at my young age, I found this funny since Grandmaw Ev would say this while drinking a Diet Pepsi and eating a big piece of chocolate pie.

My Dad lived with Grandmaw Ev and Granddad Opie up until he was 10 years old. That’s when Granddad Opie died from an accident while working on the State Road Commission. So my Dad had a special place in Grandmaw Ev’s heart, and since I was his child, I reckon I got some special attention from her as well.

Grandmaw Henry

I remember one Christmas, it was right after my Grandmaw Henry died (Grandmaw Henry was Grandmaw Ev’s daughter), we went to visit Grandmaw Ev. I can still remember as plain as day us pulling up in that old truck and seeing Grandmaw Ev standing there in an old cotton dress with her hands on her hips and hollering, “Well, if it ain’t the Burns family. Diet Pepsi or Pepsi Cola?” It was never, “Hello” or “How do you do?” it was Grandmaw Ev’s way to just cut right to the meat of the matter with “Diet Pepsi or Pepsi Cola?”

I recall as we got out of the truck bed (yes, even in the wintertime, we traveled in the truck bed) she gave all of us kids a hug and a kiss, and told us to go on into the kitchen and get us something to eat. I suspect Grandmaw Ev knew we were coming for a visit, but I don’t know that for sure. In any case, she had her kitchen table plumb full of cakes and cookies and pies, and bottles upon bottles of Diet Pepsi and Pepsi Cola. After talking outside for a few minutes with my Granddad, my Dad and my Mom, Grandmaw Ev came into the kitchen and she had tears in her eyes. All of us kids looked at her, kind of puzzled-like and wondering what was the matter, but she reassured us by saying it was just because she was so happy to see us all. I reckon it was probably more like she really missed her daughter Bunny, as this would have been the first Christmas since she had passed away.

Winter in Germany Valley

All of us kids were really laying our ears back eating all of those cakes and pies and cookies that Grandmaw Ev had made, and we had all had at least two big bottles of Pepsi by then, when Grandmaw asked us all to come into the living room. We did, of course, and I remember Grandmaw Ev grabbed me up and carried me in since I was the youngest. In the living room, around her little cedar Christmas tree with the handmade ornaments, she had a gift for each of us. Well, we thought we had all died and went to heaven, because even though Grandmaw Ev was so nice to us, she had never gotten us anything for Christmas before this. I now know she probably didn’t get gifts for her grandchildren because there were simply so many of them and you couldn’t very well get one something and not all of the others.

Grandmaw Ev went to the presents and picked them up one by one and handed them out to each of us kids, telling us to wait until everyone had their present before opening them. Soon, all of the presents were handed out and she gave us the go-ahead to tear into them, and soon our vision was obscured by a massive cloud of floating paper and ribbons.

To our surprise, in each of the packages was a little bag of loose candy. Various flavors of hardtack, peanut brittle, circus peanuts, little caramels with cream in the middle, filled candies and the like filled each bag. Even I understood what this meant, this wasn’t meant to be just a bag of candy, it was Grandmaw Ev’s way of reminding us that my Grandmaw Henry was still with us. You see, every year for as long as any of us could remember, Grandmaw Henry would go down to Rig, West Virginia, at Dick Riggleman’s store and she would buy all different types of loose Christmas candies to give to the kids as a gift. That wasn’t part of her gift, that was her whole gift, and everyone loved it. And this year, even thought it was our first Christmas since Grandmaw Henry had passed away, Grandmaw Ev’s thoughtfulness reminded us that Grandmaw Henry would never truly be gone from us as long as we remembered her. Looking back, that little sack of candy may have been the best Christmas gift that I ever received, and to think of it still reminds me of the kindness and love that Grandmaw Ev had for all of us kids.

Christmas Day at the Burns household.

So this Christmas, I wish you and yours the very best of the best, and I hope you will take a few moments to ponder on the past and count your blessings. I, for one, will be remembering Grandmaw Henry, Grandmaw Ev and all of those who have passed on since them, and when the family is gathered together on Christmas Day, I just may rekindle more memories by shouting, “Diet Pepsi or Pepsi Cola”?

Christmas Memories on the Mountain

Thanks to my brother Jason, some Christmas photo's are finally starting to come my way. I was able to view the photo's that I took but I can't load them to my computer. I did go and look at new digital camera's this past weekend, but the one I wanted wasn't in stock anywhere that we went. I know I want a Kodak Easyshare C913, and since I've already made up my mind on that, I won't even look at anything else even though there are camera's out there that are probably better and less expensive, but my mind is set so they aint no use in trying to get me to buy anything else (as Shirley can exasperatingly attest). Anyway, you can see a glimpse of how Christmas on the Mountain went this year.



The Burns family Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. Shirley had already made her rounds, shook every present that she had under the tree and hypothesized what she may be getting the next morning after she took her annual beating from Der Belsnickel! Probably the best (and most surprising) gift Shirley received was a CD containing over 700 episodes of Fibber McGee and Molly, the old-time radio show. Shirley loves Fibber McGee and Molly.



After everyone opens their gifts, it has become tradition for everyone to pile all the gift wrap and (much to the chagrin of Shirley) boxes on top of her. We then take Christmas Shirl photos of her. Why do we do this? Besides it being great fun, well...we are bigger than her!!

Knowing how I am and how easily I get wound up in things, why someone would get me chinese finger traps is beyond me. They were a big hit though. After the finger traps got me excitable, I opened...

a huge jar of hot sausages and a box of saltine crackers. What you see here is me hissing at Jason. I thought he was going to try to get some hot sausages out of me. I told you the finger traps made me excited!!! I got even worse though, after a few moments of salivating over the pickled goodness in the half-gallon jar, Christmas morning took a dive to a new low...Matthew pretending to be Carmen Miranda....

Okay, a demented Carmen Miranda, but Carmen Miranda never-the-less. I'd have got up and done a little dance, but we all know I'm far too lazy to do that.

Later, after the gifts were opened, we settled down for a snack before we ate dinner. Here Jason set his biscuit and jelly in the kitchen windowsill. It made a pretty sight.

Fast forwarding a bit, evening found its way to the mountain. The sky was beautiful and cast a warm feeling over Spruce Knob in the distance.

The purple sky appeared just as the mountain evening gave way to darkness.



Another Christmas had come and gone on the mountain.

Report on Christmas

Hello all. I hope you all enjoyed a wonderful Christmas surrounded by those whom you love. I thought I'd devote today's post to catching up since my last post.

On Friday evening, Dec. 19, Shirley and I left Charleston and headed to her homeplace in Matheny, Wyoming County, WV. On the way, we had supper with two of our good friends, Christina and her husband Jeff, at an italian restaurant in Beckley. It was really good. Shirley and I had to do a little last minute Christmas shoplifting (just kidding...shopping). At 10 pm, we were just getting to Walmart in Crab Orchard. As soon as we parked, I heard someone singing southern gospel. I know it isn't unusual to hear someone singing southern gospel in southern West Virginia, but it was after 10 pm in a Walmart parking lot. I found that a little unusual, even for Beckley. After hearing the singing a little bit, it dawned on me that I knew the voice, and I commented, "That sounds like Jack Stewart!". Sure enough, it was Shirley's Uncle Jack, just sitting in his vehicle with the windows rolled down singing at the top of his lungs. I went up and talked a little with him, and he told me that they just got done singing up at the old folks home, and Aunt Diane needed to do some shopping, so he stayed in the car while she went shopping.

We got to Matheny around 11:30 that night.

The next day found us back in Beckley with Mawmaw (Shirley's mother) and her brother Rick. Mawmaw needed to do some shopping, and Rick needed to get out of the house. We had a really nice time out on the town. We made a day of it.

When we got back we received word that Shirley's Aunt Brookie had passed away. She was a month shy of being 93. Shirley and I went an saw her at the hospital in August, and Brookie was a sharp as a tack. They say Brookie was sharp minded right up until the end, her heart gave out. We attended the wake that was held Monday Evening at Brookie's church in Skin Fork, WV. The wake was one of the old timey ones where they sat up with the dead all night. It was cold that night, down in the low teens, but there were several hundred people who showed up to pay their respects and remember Aunt Brookie.

On Sunday, we got together with a few friends, Christina and Jeff stopped by and we exchanged gifts with them. They got me and Shirley a Nintendo Wii!! Wow, we were both shocked and amazed at what good friends we have.

On Christmas Eve, we ate Christmas dinner at Mawmaw's. I made the ham, the rolls, and Mawmaw's favorite, Ambrosia Salad. It all turned out really good. We ate so much it was nigh onto sinful. Then we opened gifts with the family. About 4pm, Shirley and I hit the road for Monkeytown, home of my people. It was 61 degree's when we left Matheny, but it kept getting a little colder as we travelled. By the time we got to Monkeytown, it was down to 50 degree's, still good travelling weather even if it was raining.

Christmas Day we were greeted with many many presents. I got a calendar of Pendleton County Churches, which I had been wanting. I also got a great flag of Germany. Those were probably my two favorite gifts of the year, although I must say everything that I got was appreciated. Oh, and I also got a huge jar of hot sausages!!! More about those later....

All the cousins and Aunts and family stopped by to see us on Christmas Day. My Aunt Aim and my Cousin Ditme visited for about 4 hours. We had a good time talking and joking around. Later that night, another aunt, Big Six, and her children, The Sixlets, stopped by and we played cards. We had a good time way up into the night.

Also, of note, while at home I split some more wood for Dad, I like to split wood. Also, I'm pretty sure that the mice who ran out of the woodpile all congregated in the ceiling over my bed and were having their own Christmas Party that night. They were so loud I ended up beating on the ceiling at 4 am, to no avail. Those mice just wouldn't stop! Oh, and the best part is when they started playing soccer with a hickory nut. I was just a hair shy of cranking some buckshot into the ceiling. Oh, and the best part, Mom's great mouser, Buttercup, lay snoring through the whole ordeal!! Ahhh, the joys of country living.

We returned home on December 28th, but not before I packed my huge jar of hot sausages (half-eaten by this time), which got upset as the car was being packed, so I got a back floor full of hot sausage "juice"! Whew, that is a real treat to smell. I sopped up all of the "juice" that I could get with an old towel, and then sprayed it down with odor neutralizer...still no help...so in Buckhannon on the way home I stopped at got a box of 20 Mule Team Borax and a box of Baking soda, I scattered it about 2 inches deep on the floor board, but the smell is still there. Today I vacuumed the car out, and I've come to the conclusion that the hot sausage smell is gonna be with us for a long time.

Oh, and to top it all off, our digital camera died on the way home (unrelated to the hot sausage incident), so we are in the market for one of those. The photo's that we took will be okay though, we have them on a memory card, we just can't access them without another camera.

All in all, it was an enjoyable Christmas, and one that I will remember (and hopefully not just because of the stench in the car!)

How was your Christmas?

Christmas on the Mountain

This evening Shirley and I are leaving on our annual Christmas excursion. We are heading to Wyoming County to visit until Christmas Eve and then on to Monkeytown until December 29. We are looking forward to spending Christmas with our families, and to relaxing now that the new book is in to the publisher.

I thought I'd share some old Christmas photo's with you in this post, which will be the last one until we get back around the first of the year.


In the above photo, you can see that I pee'd on myself but wouldn't let mom change me until I opened some of my presents, namely that gigantic lollipop!! My brother Jason is in the background in his undies, along with my Aunt Sharon and Uncle Allen, who always was a bawl-baby!



In this photo, you can see that I am all decked out in my pink hand-me-down-mom-said-it-was-a-good-coat-so-I'm-now-justified-to-put-her-in-a-home coat. Not that I'm bitter or hold a grudge or anything! Just kidding Maw!!!Jason, on the other hand, is in a spiffy Pittsburgh Steelers jacket! Also in this photo is the woman who gave birth to my mother, my Uncle Allen, my cousin Emily and in the background, my Aunt Aim.

In the above photo, Dad is trying to put together a simple snap-together bird feeder. As you can see, he is using a hammer and screwdriver!! And biting his tongue as all the Burns' do when they concentrate on something.

My brother Jason, eating as usual. I tell him everytime he eats like this to "Keep eatin' Andrew, and we're gonna have to go back to Quality Farm & Fleet to buy you some more abnormally sized fat farmboy pants!"

Pure excitement and insanity when I got the CD set of the Hammon's Family!

Jason quit eating long enough to revel in getting a cow bell! And you all think I'm weird??????


Above: My Dad and two of his sisters, Tam and Aim. As my Granddad used to say, and which angered all of his daughters, "All Rich Burns' girls are hefty bitches!" Is it any wonder they liked to beat him up when he said that? Or wanted to beat him when I reminded them all that he said that?? It's a big joke now to say that when they are all together.

The Christmas Tree on the mountain.

I hope you liked seeing a little of what Christmas on the mountain is like. We have lots of fun, and get to catch up with everyone. I'm looking forward to it again this year.

I hope all of you out there have a Merry Christmas, and a prosperous New Year to come.

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Recently Tipper over at The Blind Pig and The Acorn featured a post about Christmas music and she asked readers what is their favorite Christmas song. I thought about it a little bit and then it dawned on me, my favorite Christmas song is "I'll be Home for Christmas". I thought I'd share with y'all how this became my favorite song.

Every Christmas Eve, my wife Shirley and I travel from her family’s home in Wyoming County in southern WV to my family’s home in Pendleton County in the Potomac Highlands of WV. The drive takes about 4 to 5 hours if the weather is good. Since Shirley's family opens gifts on Christmas Eve and my family opens gifts on Christmas Day, we are able to be with both of our families for Christmas...although it means spending most of Christmas Eve on the road.

Pendleton County snowy road (Courtesy of Cousin Darlene Wilton)

I recall watching the weather before we left that day, and it was calling for a bad snowstorm to hit on Christmas Eve, but in southern WV it was just rain so we thought we'd be okay. So we left Wyoming County about 4 p.m. and started up the road. We were making pretty good time but about halfway home just as we got into the mountains, we drove into snow. It looked just like a wall of snow, one minute we were in rain and the next we were in a blizzard. I turned to Shirley and said “Okay Rudolph, full power” quoting one of her favorite Christmas cartoons. We took it easy on the now bad roads and were making progress on our trip, albeit we were really going slow now.

In the back of both of our minds we were dreading the worst part of the trip which lay ahead of us. You see, there are four big mountains after we get off the interstate, and sure enough the further we went into the mountains, the worse the roads got. On the first mountain, which is usually the least treacherous of all of them, there were several accidents and the road was blocked. There were cars in the ditch and big rigs jack-knifed all over the roads. It looked like Hermie and Rudolph weren’t going to get through. The state troopers were there and were telling people to go back to Elkins and spend the night because the road was going to be closed until they got the worst of the wrecks cleared up. They expected it to be several hours if not overnight. Well, I insisted to Shirley that we wait for a little while and see if things changed, I didn't want to miss being with my family on Christmas.

Germany Valley, Pendleton County winter

After what seemed like an eternity there was no change in the road conditions and it all looked very bleak. I was beginning to realize that I was probably going to have to spend my first Christmas away from my family on the mountain. I decided to check the weather one last time to see if there were any updates on the situation, so I turned on the radio. The song that was playing was "I'll be Home for Christmas", and it was especially poignant to me when it got to the part "I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams". The radio offered no news that I wanted to hear and I was beginning to face reality and admitted that we were probably going to have to turn back towards Elkins.

Just when we were discussing where to stay in Elkins, we heard something coming up the mountain. There was a sound of “jing…jing…jing…jing”, it was either sleigh bells or road chains, and I told Shirley it was either Santy Claus or a snowplow. The sound kept getting louder and it was getting closer. A few moments later, we say the lights of a snowplow and it was scraping the road and throwing down cinders. It cleaned the road around the wrecks just enough for our little car to get through. I went up to assess the newly plowed road and told the State Troopers that I thought I could get through and that I was going to try it. The State police tried to talk me out of it, and tried to warned me of the danger and they told me that if I wrecked I'd probably have to wait until morning to get assistance. I was concerned but I grew up driving in snow so I was confident in my driving, it was just everyone else that I was worried about. So, I got in the car and drove right through those wrecks in the newly plowed road. Behind me, several other cars decided to follow me, but the very next car behind me couldn’t get through the road and got stuck and once again blocked the road. So we were alone and for the next 15 miles or so, we never so much as saw the first vehicle. We were driving on roads that were covered with snow, and we were making our own road as we went.

Germany Valley in Winter

After crossing the 3rd mountain, the snow immediately stopped and once again we drove into rain once again, which was odd because usually the last two mountains are the worst. I’ve never seen a storm like that since, it was like someone shut off the “snow switch”. From there to where we started up the last mountain where home is, we didn’t have snow. It was once again snowing on the mountain at home, but it wasn’t all that bad, probably only 2 or 3 inches on the road. We made it home just as everyone was going to bed…the trip took us nearly nine hours. I remember blowing the car horn as we pulled up the driveway, and hollering out the window, "Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas Clark!", quoting Cousin Eddie from the Christmas Vacation movie. I was just ecstatic!

My parents were shocked that I had made it across the mountains, they had been listening to the police scanner all night, and it was reporting that the mountains were blocked and no traffic was getting through. Mom said that Dad commented to her when they heard the report on the police scanner, “I’ll bet that it is killing Babe not being able to get home.” (Yes, my nickname is Babe!) My one little cousin was the only one of them that hadn’t given up hope, and she wasn't at all shocked when Shirley and I pulled up the driveway. I remember she kept saying, "I told you all that Matthew would be here for Christmas. I told you he wouldn't miss it."

I know the Lord was travelling with us that night, and He answered my prayers in getting us home that snowy Christmas Eve. Ever since then, my favorite Christmas song has been "I'll be Home for Christmas" because it reminds me of my very own Christmas miracle that occurred along a snowy roadside in the mountains of West Virginia.

Christmastime in the Land of the Belsnickel

Here is a story that I wrote about the Belsnickel. Please don't refer to him as Santa Claus, or else I'll have to go Belsnickel on you! This was originally written as a children's story, but as the story progressed I think it became apparent that it is a little much for most children. The Belsnickel story here is an amalgamation of Belsnickel tales that I have heard all of my life. My Grandmaw Mary always said that the Belsnickel lived up on North Mountain rocks, up the mountain from where we lived. I find this incredible since there are so many other creatures that inhabit these cliffs (i.e. Old Fon, The Snollygaster, Old Saul). Many of the tidbits that you will read in my story come from different tales told by my Grandmaw Mary.

People where I am from in Germany Valley, WV, still talk about the Belsnickel and belsnickling, which occured every year around Christmastime. People dressed up in costumes and went door to door, scaring people and it was all great fun. People tried to guess who you were in the costume, and if they didn't, they had to give you a cup of hot cider or some other form of treat. While this belsnickling still occurs in some parts of Pendleton County, it doesn't in my old neighborhood, the last time anyone can remember it was in the early 1980's. My Dad talks about going belsnickling when he was a kid and remembers it fondly, he said that if people expected belsnicklers to come by, they'd make up cakes, cookies and other goodies and pass them out. Dad also recalls that some homes they visited gave them fruit (Apples & Oranges), which to him were a real treat. You have to remember, this is the dead of winter in a very harsh area, so I'm sure these belsnicklers were a sight to see, carrying lanterns and singing and hollering at the top of their lungs, celebrating a centuries old tradition from a far-off land. Keeping with the traditions of my ancestors, I proudly display my belsnickel every Christmas, and even have a huge belsnickel that tops our Christmas tree.

The following is an old photo of belsnicklers in the Bland Hills of Pendleton County. The 3rd man from the left is Boss Bland, a friend of my grandpaw Alfred Kile (whom I talked about in the post "The Ballad of Alfred and Attie"). Notice the masks at the belsnicklers feet!



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Christmastime in the Land of the Belsnickel
by Matthew Burns, December 2008.

There is a land
Of wilderness glades, and craggy cliffs,
Of hidden coves and ancient forests.
Home of the Belsnickel.

Among this dark forest
Under the roots of a great oak tree
There is a limestone cavern
That is completely hidden from view.

In this dank cavern, Belsnickel makes his home,
He is hairy and covered in animal pelts,
With moss in his hair and lichens on his skin.
He lives in the cave, with his loyal servant Rupert.

Rupert is donned in the same manner as Belsnickel,
Only he is even dirtier,
Blackened from the soot of many fires
And smudged with the grease of many meals.

Every year, when it gets to be about this time of year.
When the leaves have been shed, the winter winds start to howl,
And the forest creatures prepare for winter in their own way.
Belsnickel and Rupert start plotting….

Plotting mischief and mayhem, of wreaking havoc
On the intruders who live in their valley.
They regale in events of seasons past, when they scared cattle,
Carried away children, and spread fear throughout the countryside.

A favorite pastime of Belsnickel and Rupert is tossing dried leaves and moss.
Down the chimneys of the valley homesteads,
Causing flue fires that sometimes engulf the home.
And laugh as the intruders frantically try to save their belongings.

Belsnickel has also been known to feed wild onions to the dairy cows,
So their milk will taste of onions and will be unfit for use by the intruders.
But most of all, Belsnickel and Rupert await Christmas Eve.
When everyone is indoors, reveling in the merriment of the season.

That is when Belsnickel becomes most embittered for being disturbed.
He loves the Winter Solstice, but can’t even bay at the moon,
Without the intruders hunting him with their ferocious hounds.
Belsnickel reckons that if he can’t celebrate, neither will they.

Late in the night, he and Rupert go from house to house,
Prying open the windows and breaking down doors.
Seeking vengeance they will yank children from their slumber,
And beat them with switches. Rupert hopes to toss a few in his sack, as well.

At these thoughts, pure joy shows on the face of Belsnickel and Rupert,
Primitive chuckles erupt from Ruperts snaggled mouth.
They are both anxious for night to fall,
And to begin their night of havoc.

Hours later, the forest is again quiet and Belsnickel and Rupert,
Having returned to their lair, await morning.
Fulfilled with their accomplishments, they celebrate.
They are the protectors of the forest, and without them, all would be lost.

In the valley, the bewildered & fearful intruders tell their children,
“Der Belsnickel punishes you for being bad. Next year you must be better.”
Through the giant roots of the oak tree, Belsnickel glances at the moon,
And breaks into a sorrowful and celebratory howl.